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Episode 2: Second Episodes Are for Losers
August 26, 2005 - Defunct Games is proud to bring you our official podcast, Radio Free Gaming. Join Cyril Lachel as he surfs the dangerous waters of our industry to get the best interviews, talk about the biggest news, and answer the questions youíve been curious about. Itís Radio Free Gaming and itís unlike anything else on todayís radio.

In our super-sized second episode we feature an interview with a guy camping outside his local Electronic Boutique store in order to be the first with the Xbox 360, we debate the merits of NARC, and interview a guy who plans on spoiling your favorite games. We also check in with some viewer mail and see whatís happening in the world of news. Coming in at a whopping 22 minutes (14 mb), our second episode of Radio Free Gaming is almost too packed with funny content. See for yourself as Defunct Games paints ourselves into a corner with another entertaining episode of ... ah, just download this thing already!! -Cyril Lachel

(Don't miss the first episode of Radio Free Gaming! It's shorter, riddled with mistakes, and a little one-side, but you'll hate yourself forever if you don't listen to it!)
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Episode 2 - Second Episodes Are for Losers!
00:00:45 Ė Introduction to Radio Free Gaming
00:03:36 Ė Commercial: G4 - TV For Gamers
00:04:14 Ė Interview with David Gore on Spoilers
00:09:01 Ė Commercial: G4 - Judgment Day Marathon!
00:09:30 Ė Audio Notes for NARC
00:16:19 Ė Preview of Episode Three
00:16:49 Ė Interview with Xbox 360 Camper
00:21:43 Ė Closing Credits
(Technical Information: Pilot & Co-Pilot runs for 22:02 at a size of 14.4 mb zipped or 15.1 unzipped.)


Radio Free Gaming SHOOTING SCRIPT
MUSIC: The Pixies Ė Cecilia Ann

CYRIL LACHEL
Itís August 26th and the Gizmondo is still not out, my name is Cyril Lachel and you must be listening to Radio Free Gaming! On todayís show we have a major announcement from one of the biggest game companies in the world, we talk to a guy camping in line at Electronics Boutique to be the first to buy the Xbox 360, we read more viewer mail, we fist fight over NARC, and try to figure out just what G4 is doing sponsoring our broadcast. All this and more on the second episode of Radio Free Gaming!

Hello, my name is Cyril Lachel and you ARE listening to Radio Free Gaming, the show dedicated specifically to running Defunct Games into the ground with mediocre interviews and low budget production values. Obviously you came for the free doughnuts and coffee. All joking aside Iím told we have a packed show and a major announcement right up front ...

Apparently the news opener I was so fond of last week did not test well with the audience. According to management we wonít be reading the news this week, but instead spending a little extra time with a new segment called Business Card Patrol. Wait, Business Card Patrol? Theyíre replacing my news section with somebody talking about Business Cards?!? Youíve got to be kidding me!!

I know the news was a little dull last week, Iím the first person that will tell you that, but why not just replace me with the sound of grass growing or an hour of the ambience of bowling? This is just ridiculous guys, a real mistake. Anyway ... instead of jumping to the news Iím supposed to introduce our newest sponsor, G4, TV for Gamers. Wait ... didnít we make fun of G4 last week in the news section? Is this retaliation, should I be worried about my job, guys? Anybody? Seriously.

Well ... we have a great show lined up for you today; we have a new batch of viewer mail to respond to, my audio notes for NARC, a major spoiler alert, and a phone call with a guy camping for the Xbox 360, all coming up after this short message from G4. I canít believe I just said that ...

MUSIC: Kula Shaker - Hey Dude

MUSIC: The Chemical Brothers - Leave Home

G4
Itís a week of exciting shows on G4, TV for Gamers! Tune in and watch MTVís Bill Bellamy and 90210ís Tiffani Thissen as they team up to take down the bad guys in Fastlane, a cop drama with attitude. Then stay tuned for Formula D, the first series to showcase the competitive, high-speed motor sport of drifting. We follow that up with Street Fury, featuring the cars you want and the girls you canít have! Tune in this weekend for a full marathon of Anime Unleashed, all on the only channel for Gamers, G4!

MUSIC: Depeche Mode - It's No Good

CYRIL
Hey, welcome back to Radio Free Gaming. We have a first time guest on the show today, somebody weíve been trying to get for the last few weeks. We welcome David Gore to our studios, a freelance writer who has a blog that spoils many of todayís biggest games. Thanks for coming down to the studio David, weíre glad to have you.

DAVID GORE
Hey, thanks for having me Cyril. Sorry I couldnít get here last week, just couldnít fit it into my schedule.

CYRIL
Well, if you donít mind telling our audience what you were doing, I believe you were out of town getting the scoop on one of the biggest events of the year.

DAIVD
You caught me, yeah I was up at Microsoftís little gather getting the inside scoop on their Xbox 360.

CYRIL
Of course, I heard a few reports from that last week. Is there any inside information you can bring Radio Free Gaming? Perhaps something nobody else knows?

DAVID
Oh Cyril, can I ever! I was pulled away by a Microsoft staffer early on and given a list of the official prices of the Xbox 360! You heard me right, Cyril, prices. Plural. Get this, thereís going to be a $300 model and a $400 model, all coming out on the same day. Is that wild or what?

CYRIL
Well, itís (pause) kind of old news. Iím pretty sure just about everybody knows this information by now. They made a big announcement and everything. Do you have anything new to add to this news?

DAVID
Did you know the hard drive was going to be a hundred bucks?

CYRIL
Yeah, it was pretty big news a week ago.

DAVID
Well thatís just great. Just my kind of luck!

CYRIL
Well, letís talk about Conker. You had the spoiler for Live & Reloaded several months before the game actually came out. A complete description, nearly down the exact camera angles and dialog. Can you let us in on how you were able to get such a big scoop so early?

DAVID
Thatís actually one of the stories weíre the most proud of, we had that on our page months before GameSpot and IGN got around to reviewing it. Getting the ending was actually kind of tough, I had to think especially hard to remember what the ending of the Nintendo 64 version was and then accurately portray it on the website.

CYRIL
The Nintendo 64 version?

DAVID
Oh yeah, they had that game on the N64 years before it came out on the Xbox, making it a little easier to spoil the ending for everybody.

CYRIL
But are you really spoiling the ending if itís an old game?

DAVID
Conker: Live & Reloaded isnít old, itís brand new baby.

CYRIL
Alright, I guess you got me there. How about Metroid, I hear you have a spoiler about the upcoming Metroid game for the Revolution.

DAVID
That is correct Cyril.

CYRIL
Now, how can that be? The Revolution is over a year away and we donít even know what the control looks like let alone any games.

DAVID
Ah Cyril, youíre doubting me again. My sources have seen the finished script for Metroid Prime 3 and we have an exclusive that I doubt anybody is going to see coming.

CYRIL
Well, I canít wait. Whatís the big secret?

DAVID
Okay, you arenít going to believe this, but in the end we learn that Samus is a woman! I mean, you go the whole way thinking youíre some rough military stud, but you actually end up being a woman ... a Sigourney Weaver type.

CYRIL
But weíve known that ever since the very first game back in the mid 1980s, thatís hardly new information.

DAVID
Itís not? Everybody knows?

CYRIL
Yeah, there are pictures of her all over the internet in sexy outfits, simply using Google would have saved your sources a whole lot of time.

DAVID
Gosh, I guess I didnít realize. I never actually played Metroid, was it any good?

CYRIL
Yeah David, itís a classic ... they all are. Huh, well, I guess if you donít have any other endings to spoil ...

DAVID
No, wait, I have another scoop. The top secret location of the new PSP Grand Theft Auto game is going to be Liberty City, the same place as the third game!

CYRIL
Of course it is David, the name of the game is Liberty City Stories. Well I want to thank you for taking the time to come down and visit with us on our second episode, we wish you and your website the best of luck and youíll have to come back when you have another juicy spoiler worth talking about. Weíll be back after this.

MUSIC: Pavement - 5-4=Unity

MUSIC: The Chemical Brothers - Leave Home

G4
Tune in to G4 all weekend long as Victor Lucas and Tommy Tallarico review games theyíve barely played in a full on Judgment Day marathon! Watch as Tommy spends half the time talking about the sounds of footsteps and his hatred for role-playing games, while spending the other half reminding the audience that he used to make games. Itís a full marathon of Judgment Day, the only review show on TV where the hosts readily admit they donít know what theyíre talking about. Its shows like Judgment Day that are only on G4, TV for Gamers!

MUSIC: Portishead - Cowboys (Instrumental)

CYRIL
Usually when you hear that music we have our Friday regular Apos the Man from the Future, but weíve decided to give future boy a much-needed day off. Instead we are going to go back to a much simpler time; a time when we still didnít know who leaked Valerie Plameís identity, people thought that Rafael Palmeiro had never done steroids, and there was only one Willy Wonka movie. Thatís right, weíre talking about March of 2005, the time when I documented my thoughts on the game NARC.

After spending years writing down notes for my reviews, I decided to update my system a little by recording audio notes with my trusty micro cassette recorder. What Iím about to play for you are my thoughts of the game over the course of a weekend, there are some things that might not be appropriate for all ages, some listener discretion is advised.

CYRIL
Itís March 18th, 2005, um, looks like itís about 5 PM. I just my copy of NARC in the mail and Iím really looking forward to spending some time with it. Iíve decided to use this micro cassette recorder to help me keep notes ... so, Iím going to stop trying to explain myself to this inanimate object and just play this thing. What a dummy.

CYRIL
Itís 6:34 PM and Iíve been at this game for about an hour now. Hereís a question for you, do ya remember those aliens in Dark City? The ones that spent their whole life making sure the world was dark. Well, it certainly seems like they have a hand in the development of this game. Itís night all the time, 24 hours a day ... itís kind of depressing. If I remember correctly this game has been in development for around three years. I certainly hope thatís not the case.

CYRIL
Itís 9:00 PM, I just back from the store with a bottle of Jack Daniels. Iíve decided that in order to improve this experience Iím going to take a shot every time I hear Curtis Mayfieldís song Superfly ... a song I used to really like. Of course, Iím completely sober now and sitting here talking to myself. Maybe Iíll feel like less of a loser when Iíve downed this thing.

CYRIL
I would not be exaggerating if I were to tell you that this is literally the 20th time I have had to listen to Superfly in the last two hours. Itís just about every other song, and itís hard to even keep my thoughts straight thanks to all those shots. I tried to make popcorn earlier, but I forget to turn on the popper machine thingy, and I burnt the butter. Iím starting to notice that no matter how much alcohol I drink this NARC experience is not getting any better. What IS getting better is this little micro cassette recorder. This is just the cutest little thing, those tapes are just so teeny tiny. (Hic) Oh, I need to lay down ...

CYRIL
Hey, itís 11 AM, Saturday March 19. I ended up drinking that entire bottle of Jack Daniels last night. At first it was just because of that song, but then I realized that the more I drank the less attention I was giving NARC. Iím not sure if iItís the game or the hangover, but something is making me want to vomit.

CYRIL
Itís 4 PM and Iíve decided to invite some people over to help me on my quest to review NARC.

EVERYBODY
NARC!!

CYRIL
Yeah. Well, they have some suggestions on how to make NARC a better ...

EVERYBODY
NARC!!

CYRIL
How to make it a better experience.

CYRIL
Diane, it's - I don't know what time it is, Diane, I've been shot. On balance, though, being shot is not as bad as I had always imagined it might be. If you can manage to keep the fear from your mind. Then again, I suppose you could say that about almost anything in life: it's not so bad if you can keep the fear from your mind. At a time like this, curiously, you immediately think of the things you regret, or the things you would miss. I would like, in general, to treat people with much more care and respect. I would like to climb a tall hill but not too tall, sit in the cool grass and feel the sun on my face, but not too cool. I wish I could have cracked the Lindbergh kidnapping. I would very much like to make love to a beautiful woman who I had genuine affection for. I would like that very much. All in all, a very interesting experience.

STRANGER
Hey man, itís your turn.?

CYRIL
Iíve noticed something, the more I play NARC the less able I am to perform simple tasks. I was just in the kitchen trying to open the fridge but it wouldnít open, it had me stumped until I saw that I was pulling on the wrong side. This is not the kind of thing I did before I experimented with NARC. I donít know what it is, but I feel like this game is making me more dumber.

CYRIL
Iíve decided that I have a choice. I can sit here and play the rest of NARC, eventually getting to the end and experiencing and ending two years in the making. Or I could take these scissors and attempt to remove both of my testicles without the help of any anesthesia. Iíll be right back ... I need to go to the store.

CYRIL
They say you canít really review a game until youíve played through it. Well, Iíve done that and Iím here to tell you that NARC is no good. Itís the kind of game that could turn you away from gaming all together, the type of game where you pray for a power outage half way through just to get the pain over with. Weíre talking pain like you have never seen before. I suggest you go to gaming nexus dot com and read my full review to see if there are any underlining aspects of the game. Thanks for listening to my audio notes of NARC, I doubt Iíll have a show five months from now but in case I do Iím going to throw it back to myself, Iím Cyril reporting from in front of my PlayStation 2, back to you Cyril.

CYRIL
Thanks Cyril for that interesting take on NARC, we hope you are given better games to review in the future. And again, if youíre looking for that review we suggest you head over to gaming nexus dot com and read all about it. In the mean time, hereís what you can expect on next weekís show.

MUSIC: Moby Ė Love Theme

CYRIL
Next week on Radio Free Gaming we will be revisiting E3 by way of a musical number performed by death metal rockers Cannibal Corpse. We talk to pet psychic Joan Winterborne on her catís predictions for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. And we learn about a man who decided to cut off his own hand in order to stop playing Final Fantasy XI online. All this and viewer mail on the next episode of Radio Free Gaming!

CYRIL
Welcome back to Radio Free Gaming. Weíre joined on the phone right now with Edward Jenkins who is currently camped outside his local Electronics Boutique location in hopes of being the first to buy the Xbox 360. I appreciate you taking the time out of your waiting to talk to us, how are things at this point Edward?

EDWARD JENKINGS
Whoa, weíre on the radio right now?

CYRIL
Yes Edward, this is Radio Free Gaming.

EDWARD
So, does that mean weíre not on the radio?

CYRIL
Letís just move on, Edward can you tell our listeners how long you have been sitting outside that Electronic Boutique?

EDWARD
Iíve been out here since the first of August, Cyril.

CYRIL
So nearly a month, can you explain why youíve decided to wait in line for a month to get the Xbox 360?

EDWARD
Well, like you said in your introduction, Iím really hoping to be the first person to get the 360 when it comes out. I figured I had nothing better to do than sit out here and be the first in line.

CYRIL
Really? You didnít have anything better to do than sit in line for three months??

EDWARD
Yeah well, you know. The Xbox 360 is more important than all that other stuff, itís not like Iím missing anything.

CYRIL
What about all the summer movies? Youíre missing all the games that are coming out. And what about the soft touch of a lover? Arenít these things that youíre giving up by sitting outside for a hundred days?

EDWARD
Well ... I guess so. Have the movies really been that good?

CYRIL
Getting back on topic, which SKU are you going to pick up when the system finally comes out?

EDWARD
Iím going to pick up the Xbox 360.

CYRIL
Yes yes, I understand that. But are you going to go with the $300 model or the $400 value pack?

EDWARD
Wait, wait, wait ... there are going to be two prices??

CYRIL
Yeah. Last week Microsoft announced the pricing of the 360, which will come at two price points. The $300 model will feature a corded control, a faceplate, and the standard audio/video cables. The $400 package ...

EDWARD
$400??

CYRIL
Yes, the $400 version will feature a wireless control, a twenty gigabyte hard drive, the headset, a faceplate, an Ethernet cable, and an Xbox 360 remote control.

EDWARD
Huh. Well, I only expected to pay $300, how much is it going to be to for an extra control and stuff?

CYRIL
An extra wireless control is $50.

EDWARD
FIFTY BUCKS?!?! Thatís as much as a game!!

CYRIL
Actually, the Xbox 360 games are going to be around $60 ...

EDWARD
SIXTY BUCKS?? Well, at least I can sell my old Xbox to save a little money.

CYRIL
Are you planning on selling your game collection as well?

EDWARD
Heck no! Iíll just play all my games on my 360.

CYRIL
According to Microsoft only the most popular Xbox games will be playable on the Xbox 360, which means that a couple of your games might be useless.

EDWARD
Only the most popular games?

CYRIL
Edward, can I ask you a question? What do you do for a living that allows you to camp outside an Electronics Boutique for three months?

EDWARD
Iím currently unemployed, Cyril. I recently quit my job at the downtown Taco Bell, finally had enough after four years.

CYRIL
Then if you donít mind me asking, how are you planning on paying for the Xbox 360?

EDWARD
Thatís actually something I hadnít even thought of.

CYRIL
So, letís get back to why youíre waiting in line. You say you want to be the first to own the Xbox 360, but since weíre on the west coast wonít you still be three hours behind anybody in the east?

EDWARD
What are you saying, Cyril?

CYRIL
Well, when 12 midnight rolls around and your store opens for business, wonít the people in New York have had the system for three hours? At best youíll just be the first of the last people to get this system, wonít you?

EDWARD
Wow, I guess I never thought of it that way.

CYRIL
And youíre missing out on all the great games coming out before November, like Burnout Revenge!

EDWARD
Yeah, thatís true.

CYRIL
And I bet your friends are merciless when theyíre making fun of you. Sitting out here all alone while theyíre at home cozying up against some Hot Coffee and summer reruns.

EDWARD
Hey!

CYRIL
I mean, what kind of loser camps in front of a store during the hottest months of the year?

EDWARD
I donít have to take this abuse, you know. Screw this, Iím outta here!

CYRIL
Alright, well Iíd like to thank Edward Jenkins for enlightening us on why somebody would want to sit in front of a store for over 100 days. It sounded like he walked away from his camping spot, but we wish him the best of luck. I would also like to thank David Gore for coming in and spoiling some of the big games of summer. Weíll be back on September 2nd with another big episode of Radio Free Gaming, until then my name is Cyril Lachel, and I hope you keep smiling.

MUSIC: The Pixies Ė Here Comes My Man
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